She's moody.
Her eyes fill up with tears one minute and are laughing the next. She can switch from cruel prankster to loving sister in the blink of an eye.
She's figuring out how to get under my skin. Experimental, she's mean to me, then sincerely remorseful. Then amazed she was able to get to me and slightly proud of herself.
She steals my lipstick.
Her face is a mirror of ever-changing emotions. Look at her and you see smiles and lightness. Then serious contemplation. Sadness. Goofiness. Need. Joy. I never know which version I'll get.
She pulls me close and squeezes the breath out of me. "I'm never letting you go, Maman."
She walks away from me, silent and tearful. Shrugging. "What's wrong, my baby?" I still call her "Baby."
"Nothing."
The woman's answer.
Code for everything she feels and can't say.
A girl again, hiding candy in her bed and torturing her sister. Sleeping with dozens of stuffed animals. Reading about vampires and greek gods. Pondering the ever-shifting social dynamics of middle schoolers. Wanting everything and nothing, all at the same time.
She's almost 13.
Yeah, I remember myself at that age. Pretty exhausting as I think back. I would never want to go back there, despite all the romanticism associated with the pre-teen/teen age.
Posted by: Lakshmi | 01/09/2011 at 05:42 AM
Everything seems so bottomless at that age... and perhaps at is. But at some point we get used to treading water.
Posted by: Kitty Ireland | 01/09/2011 at 09:49 PM
*taking notes* Nothing, code for.... I can't wait to report back to headquarters on this one.
After having suffered through three daughters at that age, yeah. *sigh* It's a turbulent time, yet one of the greatest times of discovery in a young woman's life. A time of emotional upheaval and of finding out about ones true self. I hope you are wearing your seatbelt, you are in for a bumpy ride...
Posted by: Kzinti | 01/11/2011 at 02:57 PM
Wow, you've captured it perfectly. Good luck, though, on dealing with it.
Posted by: electric firefly | 01/11/2011 at 08:35 PM
I used to say that when AB was that age she could swing 7 years up or down in an instant. One moment she was 5 and the next 20. Blink and she was back to 13 again. Whatever that was.
The next few years are a roller coaster. Don't hang on too tight. Throw your hands up in the air, scream, laugh and enjoy the thrill that is the teen years!
Posted by: Patty | 01/12/2011 at 10:35 PM
Turbulent portrait powerfully rendered. Xoxo, hard-working, clear-sighted Maman.
Posted by: Sarah | 01/13/2011 at 04:30 AM
Wow you just summed up my life with my 11 year old so poignantly. Except the part about me pulling my hair out.
Posted by: Lisa | 01/13/2011 at 10:40 AM
Well said. It makes me feel both sad and glad that I don't live full time with our Twelve-going-on-thirteen-er.
Posted by: LittleOddme | 01/15/2011 at 05:06 PM
Lovely.
Posted by: Susan | 01/17/2011 at 12:50 PM
I just love her...
Posted by: Tara | 02/16/2011 at 04:40 PM