Today the recycling program that has taken over San Francisco finally moved far enough south to land on our part of the Peninsula. By and large it's a good thing, even The Right Thing. The world cannot afford so much garbage.
Like little garbage elves bringing presents, the truck rolled through the neighborhood while cans were thrown joyfully at the curb. The elves gave us three new cans apiece, carefully color coded so we would all know what to do:
Black is for icky garbage, which we should have none of. I know this because this can is much smaller than the rest of the cans. But my one neighbor's icky black garbage can is much bigger than the rest of the cans in our 'hood. Why is this? Are they allowed to create more garbage? Is this because she's on the homeowners association board and I'm not?
Green is for green. Isn't that sweet? Butchering your neighbors trees? Put those branches right here. Didn't finish your dinner? Shame on you, there are starving children everywhere. Scrape your plate in here. Yes I know there are flies buzzing around. Keep your mouth closed, plug your nose and scrape. Oh, you don't have enough arms for that? Suck it up, sister, it's for the planet. P.s. That dog poop you are required to pick up off the grass, the kind that in the normal world would be allowed to break down and fertilize the soil? That goes in the garbage can. No, it's not green. No it's not. Well then stop feeding him that. Poop is garbage. Put it in the black can.
Blue is for, um, water? Mother earth? Children's toys? No, silly. Blue is for junk mail! And the free newspapers no one ever reads. And diet coke cans. And tequila bottles. Now you're speaking my language. I like blue.
Now, I know this sounds a little confusing, and also unfair since I'm pretty sure we are still paying people to sort all of this stuff back at the plant. Which means that not only do I get to create an awful, sticky, fly-ridden, worm-loving (not those worms, those worms cost $20/1000), smelly hotel for mice and rats, but I get to pay money for trash coordinators too.
Just in case you aren't clear on what to do, and make no mistake, if you're not doing this now you will be soon, here's a pic of the super incredible, who knew it could be so clear, if it's cheetos it goes in the black, unless you didn't actually eat them all then put it in the green, except no, not the bag, I think you can recycle that, so let it be blue, instructions.
Bonus question: If a recycling truck leaves San Francisco at 8am and travels 35 miles per hour south on 101, and a garbage truck leaves San Jose at 8:30 to drive at 42 miles per hour north on 101, who the hell will get the rats out of my garage?
Oooh ooh pick me! Um, you?
Rats can be nice, remember Rosie? Maybe her friend "Mack" is nice too? Funny post.
Posted by: Amanda | 09/27/2010 at 04:48 PM
Well, of course, it's obvious. I understand completely! But I also live in Boston, where RED lights are a suggestion and YELLOW lights mean "drive like hell, it's about to turn red!"
When you live with that, you can chuck your trash just about anywhere you want. And at any speed.
Posted by: Margy Rydzynski | 09/27/2010 at 06:37 PM
The cans are like lawn gnomes, they're beginning to come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. I'm one behind your 3. I wish they'd okay it so we could toss in glass too.
As for your bonus question...um...how about my brood of cats. Although, they may have gone green too in a sense...and will only eat hard tidbits that come out of a cat food bag. Although...they may be persuaded to eat the stuff off your plate that goes in the icky bin. ;)
Posted by: Muse | 09/27/2010 at 10:49 PM
Oh interesting! I didn't realize that poo couldn't go in the green can. I'm sure I've thrown quite a bit of it in there. Usually, though, I just save it in the giant underground container I'm using for an experiment/biological weapon.
Posted by: Steve Calderon | 09/28/2010 at 04:56 PM
Your posts keep getting interestinger and interestinger. Typepad suits you.
GREAT post, made me smile throughout.
"who the hell will get the rats out of my garage?" touche !
Posted by: Lakshmi | 09/29/2010 at 02:48 AM
I am going to bet that it's the plastic bag filled with poo that is offensive. Just plain poo is probably ok. At least that is what I'm going to test when I clean up the back yard this weekend... ;-)
Posted by: kc | 09/30/2010 at 12:09 PM
They just started the composting program at my office so we now have three bins in the kitchen/break room. Fortunately, no poo in there (we hope) and it gets emptied every night so no rats (we hope).
Posted by: Nancy | 10/01/2010 at 11:52 AM
I just save it in the giant underground container I'm using for an experiment/biological weapon.
Posted by: swtor credits | 11/17/2010 at 10:47 PM