The Big Girl is leaving for France on Tuesday and so far I'm doing a marvelous job of keeping my shit together. After all this was my idea. We promised - when she was old enough - we would send her to visit his family. As two trips as an unaccompanied minor, one exchange trip to France and a recent trip to Arizona without any chaperone at all will attest, she is officially old enough. Even if she is my baby.
We are not going with her. We need to focus on the store and as anyone looking for tickets overseas can attest, It can cost up to $10K to get a family of four out of Dodge and into gay Paris. And that's before hotels and meals and shoe shopping.
Instead she's going with friends to visit family, without her parents. She'll be gone for five weeks.
I took her to a department store to buy a few things for her trip. The girl only had one (suitable) dress and needed a couple more to get her through dinners out. We started shopping in the kids department where she instantly hated everything. Ever since her feet grew big enough to fit in women's sizes she has this idea that everything should come from there. This (wrinkle your nose when you say it) KID'S department was resulting in a bunch of "No thanks. Not that. Ick! Ugh, pink. Ew!"
Suddenly she and her sister picked out the same dress: black and white with a tule-like skirt. It was perfect. Sophisticated and age-appropriate. I bought one for each of them because, at almost exactly five years apart in age, I love it when they dress like twins. No, they don't look a bit alike.
One dress in her hand still only meant two in her suitcase, so we made our way, me dragging my feet, over to the women's department. Predictably, she loved everything. This dress and that dress and this shirt and those shorts! Oh look! We've found Tween Mecca!
Two more dresses were acquired, strapless but pretty and not sexy at all. Even her father approved of them.
The next day we went to Sephora, me in search of my youth and her in search of the opposite. I bought her first bottle of mascara, under the strict agreement it would be worn only for special events - dinners out and school dances - not every day. I also bought her some pretty lip gloss but I'm going to have to take that back because the silly sales girl sold us the kind that makes your lips all poofy. While poofy lips is fine for me - helpful even, my girl's lips are not old enough for that bee-stung look. She'll have chapstick.
Her suitcase is packed with a pair of women's department high-heeled sandals, the new strapless dresses and mascara. It is also packed with Nerds, Pop Rocks, super balls and peace sign t-shirts. She is ready for a summer in France and impatient for it to begin.
And while this was all my big idea, I bought the plane tickets, the dresses, mascara and high-heeled sandals, it turns out that I am the one who is not ready.
I want to say slow down, want to keep her home and under mama's wing. But my foot keeps pushing the accelerator.
Upstairs, the Little One is fast asleep in my bed. Usually that annoys me (the girl steals my pillow, sleeps sideways and could heat a ranch house with her body). Tonight, tomorrow and Travel Day I will be grateful for the little girl cuddle and a not-so-tiny head nestled in the crook of my arm (ow).
The Kid (who's twelve) and I were sitting drawing on each other last week (as step-parents are wont to do, y'know), and I realized she'd shaved her legs. Now gosh, I'm not even her Mom, but I felt a twinge of "nooooo, too much too fast!" I can't imagine all of this. Phew.
Posted by: Little Odd Me | 06/21/2010 at 01:57 AM
[this is good] We just survived a week in DC. Mom and Dad were nearby but we had to sleep in a dorm with roommates and navigate all the new stuff. Reviews were mixed. But I see that gleam in the eye for "more."
They're both gorgeous by the way. Just like their Mama.
Posted by: Barry | 06/21/2010 at 06:18 AM
[this is good] Save this post for posterity. Show it to her when she has a kid of her own.
Posted by: Lakshmi | 06/21/2010 at 06:24 AM
While you may not be ready, good for you for letting her go. Too many people keep their kids under wraps with the excuse that the kids aren't ready, when really it's the parents. She'll get a chance to spread her wings a bit and she will undoubtedly have an amazing summer, all because of you and that foot on the accelerator. I wish someone had done that for me.
Posted by: electric firefly | 06/21/2010 at 09:25 AM
[this is good] What a great post. It made me choke up a little, in fact. I think its wonderful that you're letting her go and that you had a special shopping trip in advance.
Just think of the reunion you'll have when she returns. :)
You're a nice Mom.
Posted by: Nancy Mitchell | 06/21/2010 at 09:38 AM
[this is good] Parenting...it's just lesson after lesson in letting go. I agree with my baby sister. You're a good mom.
Posted by: Patty | 06/21/2010 at 11:00 AM
I think 12 is leg-shaving time. My girl and I have talked about it, she really wants to do it (all her "friends are doing it"), but I'm putting it off until she comes home from France. Happily she hasn't made a big deal about it - yet. ;-)
Posted by: karen | 06/21/2010 at 11:01 AM
DC! What a perfect place to discover one's freedom. Great job, Dad.
Posted by: karen | 06/21/2010 at 11:13 AM
I will. And you should save it too - because in a few years you're going to need to read it again. ;-)
Posted by: karen | 06/21/2010 at 11:14 AM
It's funny, I know a few parents of girls her age who are not ready and seem to actively keep their kids from evendrying their wings (a necesary pre-flight requirement). When my girl went on the exchange trip to France, the school had to warn parents that there were no hotels in the area and that if they were seen spying on their children it would not be appreciated (and was considered to be bad for the kids).
One parent I know wouldn't let her girl go, precisely because of that. If she couldn't be nearby, she couldn't let her go at all.
I feel her pain but wonder at the long-term ramifications of it.
Posted by: karen | 06/21/2010 at 11:19 AM
I can tell you - it leads to a lot of insecurities that will need to be worked out later in life. Best to try to spread those wings and blossom while still under the watchful, but not suffocating, eye of your parents than to wait until later. It also leads to a lot of rebellion. But maybe that's just me.
Posted by: electric firefly | 06/21/2010 at 11:20 AM
Thanks, Nancy. I don't know that I'm a nice Mom, in fact there are at least two people who might testify against the idea.But I'm trying really really hard to at leastbe a good one.
Posted by: karen | 06/21/2010 at 11:21 AM
Thanks, Patty. You have the insider track, and see more than your average bear. Thismakes your praise even more meaningful.
Posted by: karen | 06/21/2010 at 11:22 AM
I have to admit this is part of my thinking. If I let her fly when she asks for it, or shows she is ready for it, maybe she won't rebel against me - as much - later on. (Fingers' crossed)
Posted by: karen | 06/21/2010 at 11:25 AM
Sigh ! I know.
Posted by: Lakshmi | 06/21/2010 at 09:13 PM
[this is good] What happened to those Bonne Bell lip glosses we used to have around that age - ones that looked like over sized crayons and tasted like strawberries?
Posted by: Nancy | 06/21/2010 at 10:12 PM
I know! Instead these kids have to choose between boring chapstick or slutty, shiny, glittery gloss.
I blame Disney (for everything).
Posted by: karen | 06/21/2010 at 10:46 PM