Cassandre lost a tooth at fish camp and came home with it in her pocket. Juju lost her second tooth today. Which makes it a busy week for the tooth fairy and it's costing me a bundle.
I have a checkered career as a tooth fairy. I don't make a very good Easter Bunny or Valentine, either. Thankfully I'm not a bad Santa Claus or there'd be no good holiday around here. It's not hard to be a good Santa as long as you bring presents. While the job sometimes requires assembly, it also requires cookies and milk. It's hard to complain about cookies and milk even at 2am on Christmas Eve.
But to be a tooth fairy requires skill.
The first is memory, something that fades over time, just when you need it the most. Not only do you have to remember that there is a tooth under a pillow somewhere, but you have to remember it during the day so you are sure to have $5 in hand for later. Then you have to remember again that night, after the little children and your obligations have you exhausted and wishing only for sleep. Finally you have to remember which child actually lost the tooth.
You need cat-like stealth. Children who have lost a tooth do not sleep soundly. They are determined to catch the tooth fairy in the act and make sure that, contrary to what their friends have said, the tooth fairy is not you. Any movement, like say a hand sweeping under their pillow looking for a tooth or leaving money, is likely to rouse them from a dead sleep.
Which leads to stamina. In order not to be caught you will have to stay up late, because little children who have lost a tooth cannot be trusted to sleep, even when they look like they're sleeping. They close their eyes and fake it so they can finally witness the magical exchange of teeth for money.
You need to be creative in order to answer questions like "Why does the tooth fairy want MY teeth anyway? What does she DO with them?" Later the questions get tougher: "Why do you have teeth in your jewelry box? Whose tooth IS that? IS IT MINE?" That's right, little children love to snoop and little girl children love nothing more than to snoop in their mama's jewelry box.
Last night's tooth fairy mission was a total FAIL. Cassandre put her tooth under her pillow and the tooth fairy forgot to come. Cassandre woke up, grabbed the tooth, wiggled it at me and announced with a big smile "You owe me five bucks." Underneath that statement was the understanding that Juju could never find out the truth. I say when you're old enough to blackmail the tooth fairy you're old enough to do laundry and get a real job.
Tonight the stakes are even higher than usual. First because of the previous night's failure, and also because Juju did a test run with the tooth fairy last night in the form of a written tattle. She left a note for the tooth fairy letting her know that her friend Midori left a paper cutout of a tooth under her pillow and the tooth fairy left money for her the next morning. This has offended Juju's sense of right and wrong and her note said:
Dear Tooth Fairy,
Do you know that Midori tricked you?
From Juliette
This morning Juju awoke to a note from the tooth fairy effectively telling her (nicely) to mind her own business. This afternoon the tooth that's been dangling from her gum finally fell out.
Wish me luck.
Five bucks!?! The most the tooth fairy ever left me was 25 cents. A dime was far more likely. Anyway, a couple of random facts which may be of use. First (and this is so widely known I'm surprised you hadn't heard of it), the tooth fairy knows if kids are pretending to sleep (or otherwise being naughty) and won't deliver if they are. Second, she sells the teeth on to a big Eastern conglomerate, where they're made into billiard (or pool or snooker) balls. This is definitely true, because I saw it in a Peanuts cartoon, and if you can't trust Charles Schulz...Hope this helps. (Hmm. I wonder if I have that cartoon somewhere...)
Posted by: Spike | 07/21/2009 at 10:38 PM
Wow, $5 does seem like an awful lot. I agree with the sentiment that if you can blackmail the tooth fairy, you should be putting those skills to better use to benefit the family, or at least otherwise occupying yourself to prevent further blackmail.
Posted by: electric firefly | 07/22/2009 at 10:21 AM
I am in the same boat with you on the money. I got $50 cents and I was thrilled about it. Unfortunately we listened to other people the first time, and once the price has been set, it's hard to go backwards.
The idea of turning teeth is billiard balls is funny, if a little creepy. You've totally changed my perspective on the game now.
Posted by: karen | 07/22/2009 at 11:33 AM
It is a lot, and I chalk it up to living in the Bay Area. My advice to you is to set the bar much lower, as I said to Spike, once you set the price, it's hard to change it...
Posted by: karen | 07/22/2009 at 11:34 AM
Will do. I guess I can adjust the 50 cents I got for inflation and see what that nets out at. Of course, we're looking at several more years before he loses them (he still only has a handful that have even come in), so $5 will probably seem pretty reasonable.
Posted by: electric firefly | 07/22/2009 at 12:27 PM
$5?!!! That is blackmailing at its best by a child. I remember when I was happy to get a dime and a quarter if the tooth was really big. Love the note that she left however. So adorable! I'd be a proud mom. :)
Posted by: Kimmie | 07/22/2009 at 12:35 PM
Oh girl,I think youshould justgo ahead and start practicing your "I walked 10 miles to school in the snow" speech. ;-)
The note was cute in that terrible, I'm a tattle-tale even to mythical creatures kind of way.
;-)
Posted by: karen | 07/22/2009 at 02:32 PM
[this is good]
Posted by: Lakshmi | 07/24/2009 at 07:37 PM
Wedo five bucks here too. It is a lot, and I am thinking about switching to 2 dollar bills - they are cool and it is still early enough in our house to make a change. Something you might want to consider with Juju... We got a special tiny little zipping purse for her to put her tooth in. It is silky so it is quiet, and big enough so that it is easy to find under the pillow. I haven't been caught yet, but if I do, my answer will be that I was checking to see if the tooth fairy had come yet because I was going to bed and wanted to close and lock all the doors and windows. Seems reasonable, right? Good luck!
Posted by: Kapolnek Family | 07/24/2009 at 08:43 PM
The tooth fairy obviously sells the teeth on eBay.
Posted by: saabnet | 08/05/2009 at 08:50 PM