Lice lessons learned

1. People are idiots. When they hear the word "lice," no matter how many words precede or follow the word lice, words that should assure them there is no possible way they can get lice, they cannot help but take a literal step backwards away from you.

2. Lice are not fleas. They cannot jump, leap, hop or fly from me to you, or you to me. They scamper. So unless you plan to rub your head on me, wear my favorite racoon hat or sleep with my wubby, we are both perfectly safe.

3. We need 12,000 degrees of separation. No matter how many times you wash your stuff, it will never be clean enough. To add insult to injury, days after the hazmat operation there will always be something you forgot to isolate or throw in the washing machine. You will want to pick up these things with wooden sticks or rubber gloves, or maybe just kick the items all the way into the street. (Your neighbors will not like this. Even if they don't know about the (whispers) lice, they will not like it.) Discovery of these things will drive you mad, even though you know the likelihood of the items actually having lice (that jacket I last wore in 1995!) is impossibly low.

4. Picking and grooming is an act of love. We may giggle at the vermin-picking monkeys (ew, she ate it!), but I've been picking at my girls (imaginary lice) for five days now.  It's a little pathological and there isn't a single egg left, but I love my girls, so I continue to pick at them. Today my gym trainer, knowing my wretched story, discretely picked a piece of dandruff out of my hair. This kindness almost made me weep. Almost.

5. Psychotic psoriasis is no laughing matter. I normally have dry scalp but now that I worry about lice, I have given myself honest to goodness dandruff. Do you know what dandruff looks like? That's right. LICE! I like irony as much as the next girl but this is getting less funny by the minute.

6. People are idiots (see above). A friend of a friend picked up lice from her kids. She cleaned her whole house, got rid of the lice and returned to work. She told her workmates about the lice and they literally ostracized her. Before the end of the day she was asked to LEAVE THE BUILDING. After she left, they wrapped her chair in plastic and put it outside. She was so upset she crashed her car on her way home. Yes she's ok. No it wasn't me.

Okay, I know this subject matter is gross. No one is more grossed out than me. And maybe I shouldn't talk about it. Maybe I should be nice and quiet and keep my mortification to myself. But I didn't do anything to get these bugs in the first place, and if we get them again, it still won't be my fault. And now that I know a little bit about these awful blood sucking insects, I've decided that the best way to protect you is to share. Not the bugs, the knowledge.

I've killed all the bugs. 

Comments

[Bookmole]

[this is good] That Stepping Backwards thing - we just cannot help it. Sorry. I agree with all the rest though.We don't call them Lice here. We call them Nits. It used to be that all schools had a visit from The Nit Nurse (who we all, without fail and imagination, called Nora) who would drag a big, fine toothed metal comb through our hair. And it hurt!When my children caught nits, which they often did, my trick was to smother their hair in conditioner and leave it on for half-an-hour. This kills the living nits (they can't breath) and, repeated every couple of days, kills the ones that hatch out in the meantime. And no chemicals involved.That whole hazmat thing is just not something we ever, ever got involved with. I am not ever sure we were told to!We even had Victoria Wood developing an Anti-Nit shampoo and advertising it on television.Ah, the differences in culture. It's what makes this world such an interesting place.

[navelgazer]

ugh. people are horrible idiots. I just watched the jane austen book club, and one of my favorite parts is when prudie is saying to her husband that this dreadful girl (now worman) from high school only came to prudie's mother's funeral to gloat; husband says, "prudie, high school's over," to which prudie replies, in beautiful anguish and how-thick-can-you-be exasperation, "high school's never over." it's true. there are moments when I just gape at the maneuvers people pull, on the road and in life-- but then if I remember what high schoolers we all are at heart, and it fits. hang in there, lovely one.

[Average Joe]

[cest top] I've never had the pleasure of being groomed for lice, but it sounds soooo nice the way you put it. :)

[AshbyChick]

I can NOT believe the people at your friend's job!! That is so insane! People are definitely idiots!
Thanks for this info - seriously - it's not a fun subject but I'm sure that most kids growing up get lice (I know me and my brothers did - oh so long ago) so this is a good refresher course for me. Right now my 13 month old has about 3 strands of hair so the whole ordeal would be fairly simple with him and my hubby has the shaved head look going on. But when the kid gets to school - no telling what might happen. I'll have to save all this info for future use....
PS I'm now remembering that when my bro got lice in like 5th grade he was in this gel/hairspray phase (like using wayyy too much) and when the school nurse checked his head,the lice were liked glued to his head with all the gel and hair product! I thought that was funny - what a way for them to go!

[call_me_trish]

Ironically I have a funny "lice" story from just yesterday. My sister sent me an email late yesterday morning saying she didn't have school. She is 15 and in high school, and even when it snows buckets where I live they don't normally cancel school.Her email said she walked into her homeroom class right after getting off the bus in a snowstorm. She had just washed her hair so it was still wet when she got on the bus. Most of it had frozen because it was so cold. Her homeroom teacher sent her to the nurse because it looked like she had lice. It was just snow however. Since it was so cold the snow was sticking to her wet head. However, apparently this teacher was not convinced.The school has some policy that if it is suspected a child has lice they are to be sent home immediately. As you said, people treat it like you have the plague or something. So the nurse called my mom, who was genuinely worried, and picked my sister up from school. By the time they made it home the snow on her head had melted and my mom and sister had a good laugh. However, the school called later to be sure she wouldn't be coming into school today as they didn't want other kids to get lice. (Luckily she has a snow day today so there was no fight between my parents and the school over this silly matter).People just get so worked up over something that can be easily taken care of. I'm glad to hear that everyone is lice free, I'm sure its a nice feeling!

[Barry]

[this is good]
*passes large bottle of something alcoholically lethal*

Can I borrow the racoon hat? I promise to bring it back promptly... this time.

[Steve Betz]

[this is good] And by good, I mean entertaining. While I was reading that, I thought to myself that people would probably have less of a reaction if you had AIDS.

[LaidOutInLavender]

I worked at a daycare for a while and it was not as wide spread as people think. It usually stayed in a family, and maybe extended to a best friend who huddles closely. I had twin girls who had a heck of a time getting rid of them, but no matter how close they napped on a carpeted floor, nobody else got them. They tend to go for clean long hair. If you keep the hair up in pony tails or buns, then it is much harder for them to get in.

[karen]

we call them nits too, but that only refers to the eggs. the school has a strict "no nit" policy which means that even when all the lice are dead, you can't come in with dead eggs in your hair.
Nora the Nit Nurse. how perfect. Is her last name Ratchet?

[karen]

high school is never over?
kill me.
(okay, not really)

[karen]

it's not so bad. the girls are being super patient and understanding. much more than i would be in their shoes.

[karen]

not to alarm you, but i took my oldest to mexico when she was 15 months old and mostly bald and she brought home scabies from one of the local kids. it was just as fun as lice!
i love the is it snow or is it lice story. hysterical.

[karen]

oops! working so fast I'm getting my comments mixed up! the snow thing is for call-me-trish!

[karen]

sigh. of course you can borrow the hat. in fact, you don't even have to give it back. but gimme the bottle, i need an after-breakfast cocktail.

[karen]

i was thinking the same thing as you about aids, although i'm not totally sure about that. aids education has come a long way, but there are still those who think you can catch it from casual contact.
but it's much better today than it was. i remember when i was in college, two of my friends moved off campus with this guy friend of theirs. when he came out to them, they literally partitioned the house between "his stuff" and their "stuff." I immediately lost contact with them after that. I was so ashamed of their behavior. And to add insult to injury, they were all nursing students!

[karen]

that's good to know about the long clean hair. my girls like to wear their hair down, maybe we should try wearing it up for a while...

[Cathy]

When you're ready to laugh about all this, check out last year's South Park episode on the school lice infestation. Pretty close to perfect.

[electric firefly]

[this is good] I was once sent to the nurse for suspected ukus (which the Hawaiians lovingly call lice). They made me go to the emergency room. Turns out I just had dandruff (I have a very dry and sensitive scalp). Anyhow, so sorry that the misery is compounded by the ignorance of others. I think Navelgazer's got it right.

[LaidOutInLavender]

definitely, make little messy buns, have fun with silly up do's for a while. As many times one of my students got lice, even the ones I cuddled with bunches (I was a toddler teacher) I never got lice, I always kept my hair tied up in some way.

[Caprica]

Just wanted to add my affirmation that people are indeed idiots.
Your girls are angels though as the whole process takes great patience.
The only thing as bad as lice IMO,is crabs. Ugh!

[Chrìstìє]

You know, when I was a kid, only the "gross kids" in school got lice... or scabies, or ringworm, or any of those other dirty thing. Imagine my horror, then, when my own child came home from pre-school (and later elementary school) with lice... and ringworm. It was only then that I realized, lots of people get those diseases - some are just more discreet about it.

It's amazing, though, how many people haven't learned that lesson, and still continue to act like ignorant idiots!

[Ninja Chick]

Lice...It's amazing the power of that one little word. It has the power to close up our town as our school systems have had epidemics. It's amazing that once the word is out...how many people can suddenly see them crawling in the hair and clothes of others. Say it - and magically they get Lice-o-Vision in HD.It's exhausting the things that one must do to see to the comfort of others who (as you said are idiots) and refuse to believe, even though you know, the threat has been thwarted or the mean-spirited whispers and actions that people will do. Oh cliques. Like high school. Mean Girls. Mean Boys.Here's to you and your family though. Soldiering on, despite this words rein of terror, even though the white itchy friends have passed...and may the idiots who continue to complain all...twist their ankles so they can share the same silly gimp.You da woman. Bless your family and your girls. All of your are troopers.