Paved with good intentions

I met a friend of mine in the airport a couple of months back. I know, this happens to all of you, small world, san jose airport, yada yada yada.

But it almost never happens to me. And when it does it's because someone else has recognized me. In my world, the airport is nothing but a blur of lights, buzzing sounds and shiny faces. I am mission-oriented about air travel and my goal is to not miss my plane. Once, when I was visiting my grandparents in Alabama, I literally hugged them too long and they closed the airplane door on me. I had to knock on the outside of the plane for them to let me in. They did (this was a long time ago).

I stress about things like this.

What were we talking about? Oh yes, my friend Deb. In fact she is a long-lost friend from a company I worked for 20 years ago (damn, I'm old). The greatest person. Warm. Genuine. Smart as a whip. She makes me feel all happy when I talk to her. Some people just have that quality of warmth. When you're with them you just want to be with them longer. That's Deb.

So I'm literally barrelling down the corridor to my gate when I hear my name. My whole name is required to get my attention, Karen is simply too common for me to pay attention. But I hear my whole name and I look around. I don't see anyone. And then this woman I don't know is coming over to me to hug me. I squint. My sense of context returns and I recognize the long-lost-and-much-liked person in front of me.

We talk for about 20 minutes as her plane boards. We talk about our mutual friends and how we would love to get them together again. We gossip about the jerk we both dislike who left our really great friend for yet another younger woman (he's done this twice already). Too soon, it's last call and time for her to go. I hand her one of my cards and blurt out "send me your e-mail so I can find you again." She promises she will. And then nothing.

Nothing!

And so officially she is lost to me again. This makes me sad.

It also makes me think. How can we have such a warm rapport in the airport - and every other time we meet - and then lose touch so completely? We like each other but we just can't seem to keep it together long enough. Not even email. Years go by without a word. And yet we continue to stumble into each other and it makes me feel like we are supposed to stay friends.

I blame her, of course. She has my contact info and I have nothing. The burden of responsibility is on her. However, I think we all know that if I had the card and she didn't we might still be in this same boat. I've done it to others.

Why? I have no idea. I see you. I love you. I want to get together. Let's have lunch. Dinner. A girls' trip to the spa. And then I can't. My life happens. The world happens. Lost momentum fizzles out and we stop trying.

Which is the lamest thing I ever heard. I have these 10 minutes right now that I'm using to knock out this Vox post. Aren't these 10 minutes better spent to find and connect to the (no offense) real people in my life? Yes, of course, you're real too, but you understand what I mean, don't you? It's a pitiful explanation for lost friends.

What's a girl to do?

Forgive, that's what.

I forgive her for not being able to keep up her end of the bargain. And I forgive myself for being so lame. She, like all of us, is hugely busy. A working mother of two, with all that entails. Owns her own business (she's such a smartie pants).  And I know the next time we see each other it will be just like old times and I will not dwell on the missing time.

Just like my friends have, still do, and will continue to, forgive me.

Comments

[Kelev T. Cat]

Yeah, it's frustrating, but it happens. Sometimes I promise to get in touch and then I'm amazed at how quickly time goes by and before you know it it's been a month since I told someone I'd call.... Do you remember any tidbits from your conversation that could focus a web search? Linked in?

[Cathy]

Did you happen to take a camera phone pic so I can see her, too? I googled her before and nada. Would love to see her again. That I would love to see you again goes without saying. But there it is...

[electric firefly]

i have been on both sides of this equation recently. i know my own lapse in calling has not been out of a lack of desire to do so, but a lack of time. it is good that you have such an embracing approach to it. no doubt you will run into her again and it is better to feel warm and grateful to see her than possibly resentful. i hope you find her soon.

[Patty]

[this is good] I could have written this same post (not as well however) and been the one written about. I have a bunch of friendship follow-ups I need to make and ones that I am owed. I have more time now, but I bet I still don't make the time.
Sigh.

[Jennifer]

[this is good] people who make you "all happy" when you talk to them are supposed to be there.you might not get a phone call, but you'll probably run into her again. don't you love people who make you all happy? :)

[Something Else]

[this is good] ... and I thought that
I
was the only one!

[karen]

No such presence of mind. You know me. Doh.

[Inga]

[this is good] Give it some time. Or try not to think about it anymore. I bet you she will call or e-mail you when you least expect it. :o)
Great read.

[sandk]

[this is good] I can absolutely relate to this post on multiple levels- thanks for taking the time to write about it. Your worlds willbecome entangledagain at some point, don't worry.

[zombiebite]

[this is good] [this is good] [this is good]